The consequences of your mediated divorce settlement are far too important to leave to chance. Your divorce case has been referred to mediation. The divorce and custody transition is tough. Kids are smart, and they probably already know something's up. Keeping an open mind increases your chances of settling at mediation. Try to maintain the status quo until the issues in your divorce are resolved. How to Prepare for Divorce Mediation. Remember that avoiding saying unwelcome things, by having the mediator say them, merely transfers the other party's resentment from counsel to the mediator.
Why it matters: Mediation is great, but sometimes it's smart to get a second opinion. And when they've had an opportunity to share their thoughts and have been truly listened to, they're more likely to compromise. If you'll be selling your home or one of you will buy the other's interest, get an appraisal of the house. Professional mediation costs around $5000 – $9000, and the cost is typically split by the parties. Scott Friedman: The best mediation tips for clients include starting the week before. Discuss topics that range from "How Marital Assets are Divided" to "How to Win Your Child Custody Case. " Other Useful Resources: Mediation can be an excellent way to reduce the costs and the emotional drain of a divorce. Create a realistic and conservative spending plan that includes household expenses, food, clothing, medical copays, and vehicle costs. Talk with Your Children. It's really dangerous to walk into mediation and say, "My proposed solution is this, " and then fight for it. The key to winning at mediation is being prepared, knowing when to give and when to hold firm, and being amicable. Typically, one party has been thinking about getting divorced much longer than the other. Perhaps your kids will get to stay in the same school district because your ex is keeping the address.
Mediation does not have to be a nerve-wracking experience. Mediation is a voluntary, alternative dispute-resolution ("ADR") process in which the mediator helps both of you identify and negotiate resolutions for every important issue that needs to be addressed. Bonus points go to you for empathizing with your spouse, as you may find they're more cooperative when they feel like they've been heard. The same counter-offer of $100, 000 means something very different in response to $7 million than to $500, 000. Best approach: Keep only those things confidential which: will make your case seem worse than the other side assumes it is; or will make your case seem better than the other side assumes it is, will be kept a surprise until trial, and will be a more valuable surprise at trial than a settlement aid at mediation. Ask to see a copy of the mediation certificate(s). We can offer several divorce mediation tips and guidance throughout the process. When it comes to divorce and financial matters such as support, there's a lot of misinformation out there. The problem: Lawyers in mediation have a natural instinct to focus only on negotiating a monetary amount. Don't lose sleep before mediation.
Decide what parts of the divorce are most important to you and where you are willing to be flexible. That's one reason why a mediator can be so helpful: They can think "out of the box" and help you find solutions you may not have thought of. The mediator's goal is to help you reach a settlement agreement you both find fair. Resolving with mediation is far better than going to trial. If you feel frustrated that your strongest arguments are being ignored, you have a strong feeling that you are right, and you are concluding that the other side is crazy, you should be alerted to the possibility that you are making arguments that would be more persuasive to a neutral. Thus, when going to mediation, refrain from name-calling, do not accuse the other party of lying, and do not curse as it is counter-productive. At Hello Divorce, we offer lots of free resources for divorcing couples, including our downloadable divorce mediation checklist that guides you through the mediation preparation process.
The divorce mediation process works to divide up the marital estate you and your spouse have collected over time. Retirement accounts with current balances and loans, if any. Decide What Your Priorities & Goals Are. That's why a summary "to-do" is a great idea. Divorce Mediation Tip 3: Understand your goals & why you have those goals. Why it matters: Divorce is emotional. Best approach: Use joint sessions, casual contacts, and the mediator to try to uncover the positions and motivations of the various lawyers, parties, and party representatives, and to find arguments that will appeal to, and give power to, those most likely to agree with you. Beginning a numerical negotiation too far away from where you hope to end will usually lead the other side to begin with an equally extreme position, or to refuse to negotiate. I give them material to read, to help them understand what the process is going to be like, but I also like to assure them the mediation is the least formal method of being able to resolve a case. Neither is an ideal approach. The risk: Although information may be power, in mediation if you do not share information, it will not help you.
Ideally, it would be great if both parties start the mediation process as soon as any conflict arises. Speak with Your Divorce Lawyer. McWilliams, Gold & Larramore. Then there are the parties who fall into the trap of thinking the best way to divide up assets and liabilities is by splitting each item down the middle. Why it matters: Accepting the end of a marriage is similar to the grieving process. Opposing parties should be left hopeful about pursuing a mediated agreement, and worried about pursuing litigation. To make matters worse, couples will rush and hire attorneys only intensifying the anger, bitterness, and fear that exist. You Will Have to Compromise. There are a lot of websites out there that discuss divorce mediation. Operating under such an extreme level of stress often means not eating, not sleeping and living with constant worry, anxiety and negative mind chatter. Mediation can help you get your divorce off on the right foot by identifying and resolving issues before they become a problem. Tip 1: Commit to being a good listener. I've had mediations that have lasted over 12 hours.
Remember the alternative to mediation is an expensive, time consuming, public trial with a decision made by a judge who doesn't know you or your circumstances. Additionally, a checklist allows you to provide relevant information to your mediator in an efficient manner. It's far more productive to walk into mediation and believe that you're going to derive an excellent solution and have some trust in that process. It is important to separate yourself from your emotions while negotiating with your spouse. Divorce can be lonely and stressful time. You might end up saying yes to things that you haven't fully considered just because of the pressure of the moment.
Many lawyers work very badly with numbers. Such a lawyer can avoid options and arguments that would be a problem for you, before the other side is even aware of them. Mediation can become contentious or even ineffective if you cannot control your emotions and actions. Drop all preconceived notions about what is "fair" or how your case should be resolved. The more issues there are in your divorce, the longer it may take to mediate. To effectively assess numerical arguments, it is crucial not only to understand your analysis, but also the other side's (and to have someone who can translate easily between the two).
A good personal trait to have when mediating is to know when to compromise. The ideal outcome in mediation is this: You will get all of your needs and some of your wants. Remember, a divorce mediator is neutral and cannot give you legal advice. To know whether a property division is reasonable, you need to know what your marital property is worth and also have an understanding of associated liabilities, if any. You can (and should! ) It's paramount to complete your financial affidavit accurately, as that information can be held against you later. The risk: The risks include failing to convince the other side, hardening them in their position, and even convincing them that the opposite of what you say is true. For example, if you want the house could you offer to advance your spouse moving expenses and a deposit on an apartment? For more detailed information on your house and divorce, see our article What Happens To Your House In Divorce. The risk: Clients become incensed by first offers they perceive as extreme, while still being anchored by their own extreme opening offers.